The Beginning

This is the beginning. I am just a girl on a journey to truly understand and believe God’s word. How different would my life be and look if I were to truly believe and trust God? I have been a Christian for 8 years and I still don’t feel like I have walking with God down pat. I just recently became a mother and now more than ever I want to be an example of Christ in my home. So this is where I will start…at the beginning. I will start in Genesis and work my way through the Bible and use this blog to work my thoughts out with you Jesus. I am a horrible writer. I don’t stick to anything I start. But I am going to trust You. That You will bring me through my relationship with You. If this is not the avenue you want me to take then you will reveal that to me. This is my story.

I am in a pit of shame. I need out. My sin burdens me with guilt and regret. Why? It’s the ultimate question everyone asks when they sin. Why do I do what I do? What makes me so horrible?

But You are in pursuit of me. You wander through the garden of my shameful life and ask “Beloved, where are you?” just as you asked Adam & Eve the day they took on the knowledge of good and evil. (Genesis 3) This is where shame started. Where it rooted itself in a woman’s being when she realized she was naked. I hate that feeling of being naked and bare in front of You. As if You don’t already know who I am. You created me and yet I am frightened to stand naked in front of you. But You ARE in pursuit of ME. Regardless, of my pathetic attempts to hide from You, You are pursuing me. And I ask again…why?

I try to hide my shame with “fig leaves” too. I try to cover it up in justifications. Why do I have to confess and admit my weakness? Let me cover it up God. It was easier before I was a Christian and accepted You as the Ruler of my life to do whatever I wanted at the time and not feel ashamed. Guilt is not from You. It is from the enemy. How do I battle him when I am so weak?

What is the root of my shame? I feel like a failure when I fall into sin. I want to give up because I feel like I will never conquer sin. But why do I think I can be perfect? Why can’t I just be satisfied in Your perfection. I know I can’t gain salvation, so why do I seek perfection? I want to be like You. Is that wrong? I’m scared God. I know You are real. I know You love me. I believe You are real. But I don’t trust You. Help me with my unbelief.

“‘If you can?’ said Jesus. “Everything is possible for him who believes.‘ Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, ‘I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief.'” (Mark 9:23-24)

“As it written: ‘There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless there is no one who does good, not even one.'” Romans 3:10-12

My attempts to cover up my sin are useless.

“But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear.” Isaiah 59:2

SAVE ME GOD. SAVE ME FROM MYSELF!!! I beg of You. “If the penalty of sin is death, then death is mine”

“Save me, for I am yours; I have sought out your precepts. The wicked are waiting to destroy me, but I will ponder  your statutes. To all perfection I see a limit; but your commands are boundless” Psalm 119:94-96

Embracing Accusations is all I can listen to over and over. Thank you God for this song, this message of hope. “The devil is preaching the song of the redeemed that I am cursed and gone astray” What have you done Jesus to remove my shame? I have not forgotten the refrain: Jesus SAVES!

“Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.” Isaiah 53:4-5

“Oh the devil’s singing over me an aged old song, that I am cursed and gone astray! Singing the first verse so conveniently over me. He’s forgotten the refrain: JESUS SAVES! He redeemed us from the curse of the law.” – Shane & Shane, “Embracing Accusations”

I’m forgiven. I’m loved more than I could ever imagine. Someone died for me. Someone that was perfect in every way. WHY!? Why me?

“But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 6:22-23

“To hang between two thieves in the darkness, Love must believe you are worth it” -Nichole Nordeman “Hold On”

I am worth death on a cross.

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Published in: on February 15, 2010 at 8:12 pm  Leave a Comment  

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