The Curse

Reading about the Fall of Man always gets me every time. It makes me realize where I came from. It’s easy to say or think you would be smart enough to ignore the “crafty” serpent, but the truth is you would not. Eventually, the Fall of Man would have taken place because God created Satan to show us our need for a Savior.

Satan is portrayed as a seductive tempter, but temptation is bigger than that. It’s a test that gives us the opportunity to display faithfulness and devotion to God. Eve failed her test and I have failed many of mine. She was won over by the fruit’s appeal. She chose to become more like God through disobedience than obedience. God desires for us to be “conformed to the likeness of his Son” (Romans 8:29) however, he wants it through our obedience. I still struggle to do what God tells me. My selfishness takes over time and time again. And even when I do want to do right I don’t.

15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. (Romans 7: 15-20)

This has become VERY frustrating to me.

It’s crazy to think that before the Fall of Man the world was in perfect order. There was nothing you needed or wanted. You would be completely satisfied in your relationship with God because you trusted him wholeheartedly since He created you. If I woke up as a new creation to my Creator and heard His commands and rules I feel that I would keep them. Surely I would because He told me to and He made me. I should be so thankful He even considered me to love. Out of fear I would obey, wouldn’t I? But no, I would not. It can be compared to the relationship a child has with his or her parents. Even though they are the reason you are here and they love you so much, you still willfully disobey them.

It just makes you realize that Satan is extremely crafty and shrewd. He knows his victims and has so much experience in causing us to fall into sin. Eve’s failure brought us to childbirth pains and our husbands to “rule over us”. We do all we can do to ease childbirth pains. Before the curse, I imagine that man and woman were meant to live as equals before God. Yes Eve was created second to help Adam, but I think our relationship with each other would be completely different in a perfect “Eden” world. God loves us both the same right?

I find myself frustrated with the “your desire will be for your husband” part of the curse. At first to me it doesn’t seem like a curse at all. I love to desire my husband. But there is something deeper to know about the meaning of desire in this context. It means much more than just a longing for him. Your entire soul and essence of who you are is involved. Eve’s sense of herself, emotionally and physically, will become dependent on her husband. Therefore, my sense of self emotionally and physically will depend on my husband. That’s scary to depend on a human being like that because I know how imperfect I am. If we were still in Eden I would be completely satisfied in God alone and my desire would be focused on Him first. My love for my husband would be an overflow of that cup. That explains a lot about why I am always confessing self esteem issues to God and continually struggling to believe that I am a beloved child of God and bride of Christ.

It makes me reflect on the way women are today in this world. I get angry when women continually want to be like men. We aren’t men. We are women for a reason and it’s something we should be proud of. I get frustrated from time to time with my role as a woman, wife and now mother but I still adore my purpose. I see women today kissing other women. Women that are longing for a relationship with a “good man.” Why? In my opinion the answer is because it’s on MTV (tv in general really). I remember watching MTV as a young child and seeing who men wanted me to be. Today, guys like to watch girls kiss other girls and now you see it everywhere. That was my theory years ago when I became a Christian and saw women being influenced by what they think men wanted. I was so drawn to what men desired of me that I watched tv to find out how I could get them to notice me. Just the other day, my theory was confirmed on an MTV show Jersey Shore. Yes, I am sad to say that I watched this for a short time until my husband forbid it and I realized I just got sucked into watching trash. But one of the girls on the show kissed another girl in front of all the guys. During her confession as to why she was acting the way she was she literally said “Guys like it when girls kiss each other so that’s why I did it.”

I am guilty of falling into the cycle of being who other people want me to be. I have messed up big time in my life. I still struggle with being who my husband wants me to be and not who God wants me to be. I constantly fish for my husbands affections. I don’t want words of affirmation but I want acts of service to show me that I am worthy. If I could just get him to show up to the house with a surprise I would be satisfied. I look to him for my worth and satisfaction. Not Christ. This is part of the curse. I feel destined to constantly struggle with feeling good enough for my husband. Should I give in to it?

“What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means!” (Romans 6:1-2)

Absolutely not. I am convinced that God desires for us to overcome this and truly rely on Him for our satisfaction. We are worthy because of what Christ did.

“What wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God–through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (Romans 7:24-25)

“We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?” (Romans 6:2)

“If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection. For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin–because anyone who has died has been freed from sin.” (Romans 6:5-7)

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God” (2 Corinthians 5:17-21)

So, I am Christ’s ambassador! That is where I am to go from here. From the dark place that God has brought me out of. I might not be completely delivered from my shame but I have faith that this journey is going somewhere better. I am learning to live like Christ and walk with my Heavenly Father. He isn’t counting my sins against me. He wants reconciliation. I obeyed Him in confession to Him and to the ones I sinned against. Now it’s time to be reconciled and walk the path of life with God. No more hiding behind the trees in the wilderness fearful of what He will think of me.

Fear. I let that rule me. That will forever be the thorn in my side: fear. But I know I can conquer my fears and trust my God. I don’t want to just know that, I want to believe it wholeheartedly and then I want to live my life with that freedom. That is how I will be a light to this world. Only with the complete surrender to my God and Creator. I want to know You more. I want to love you with all my heart, strength and soul. (Deuteronomy 6:5)

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? (**or FEAR?**) As it is written: ‘For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.’ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor ANY powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in ALL creation, (that’s you too Satan) will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:37-39)

Published in: on February 17, 2010 at 4:14 pm  Leave a Comment  

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