“Since the fall, we all feel a…sense of loss, and our relationships are tainted by mistrust and fear. Even in the most happy, fulfilled moments of our lives, we, like Adam and Eve, quietly long for something more…Before the fall we had a perfect place on this earth, and now we do not…Jesus said, “In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you” (John 14:2). This is our hope and our final destination. Until that day we have each other.

Here and now, the only part of eternity that we get to touch is each other. As sons and daughters of Adam and Eve, we tend to live as isolated beings, locked into the invisible walls of our mind. We need to reach beyond our fears because we need each other; right beside us is another soul who longs for home, another soul who can help us discern the signs along life’s road, as they give us input and as we reach out to them.”

-Sheila Walsh, Women of Faith Study Bible

I begin this entry with that message because it is refreshing and makes me have hope here on earth. As I previously mentioned, I struggle with wanting to give up because I am constantly cycling in and out of a fear driven life. I don’t feel like what I do is good enough for God so I might as well give up. Today I read Genesis 4-6 and the part that God really highlighted for me was when God was talking to Cain after his offering wasn’t good enough. Oh Cain, I struggle with feeling unworthy and jealous of others’ contributions. I am with you here.

“Then the Lord said to Cain, ‘Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your doors; it desires to have you, but you must master it.'” (Genesis 4:6-7)

Crystal, why are you angry? Why is your face downcast?

God, it’s because I constantly let fear drive my decisions and life. I am concentrating on the past mistakes I have made and allowing them to rule my future. I am scared of the next time I will screw up. I don’t want to mess up. But I do. Will you forgive me? I feel defeated. I am comforted in thinking negatively and knowing that I will sin because at least I won’t be disappointed when it does happen. I knew it would happen and counted on it so it won’t hurt so bad when it does happen. How will I find hope? How can You have hope in me? How can I trust You to take care of me when I do fall again? Teach me. I want out of this pit of shameful thinking. I want to trust You fully and completely with my life, my decisions, my family and my safety. EVERYTHING.

If you do what is right , will you not be accepted?

Yes, God. I want to do right. Accept me. You alone are worthy of all that I am. I don’t know why You would want anything to do with me. You must really love me. You must love me no matter what I do. Unconditionally. I think I understand that now, because I think of Randall messing up all the time and I know I will still love him the same. I feel that you are opening my eyes to how amazing, healing and powerful Your love really is. Come into my heart and heal the brokenness that has brought me to Your feet again. I surrender my life and everything you have blessed me with. My baby boy, my husband, my money…take it all. Open up my heart so I can love You more. I want to serve You my King. You are the only one who can make me do right. So I have to surrender myself. So here I am. Open my mind to everything You need me to know. Open my eyes and ears so I can see and hear Your face and voice. I cannot do this alone. So enter my life and it make it glorifying and a sacrifice to You. Jesus, make me like you.

But if you do not do what is right Crystal, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it.

How can I do right? Make me a new creation today and teach me how to walk blamelessly with You. I feel Satan crouching at my door waiting to trick me into not believing in who You say You are. Just like he tricked Eve. How can I be ready to capture sin before it captures me? Will You guide me through this life and keep me safe? Will my security be in You? I want to trust You with all that I am. You created me. You can do anything You want with me. I want to be Your creation and I don’t want to have anything to do with how I turn out. I don’t want to do things on my own. I want to rely on You for everything. I need to know You more so I can truly trust my Maker. If I knew You and your character more, I would believe You. I want to know and study Your many names.

Knowing You=Trusting You=Believing You=Obeying You=Hating Sin=Mastering Sin

Published in: on February 24, 2010 at 8:27 am  Leave a Comment  

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