puzzle piece

This past Sunday at church, I was able to pay attention to the sermon for the first time since Randall was a newborn. I put him into childcare and got to hear a great message from the story of Joseph’s life.

I always find it difficult to not try to secretly take control over my life everyday. Of course it’s never the case since God is in control even when I think I am. But life IS so much better when I surrender my life wholeheartedly to the Lord. When you wake up and say “God, this day is yours…not mine”  it always turns out best. So, yeah…I try to keep short accounts with God all day long to keep my mind…well…really my heart….where it needs to be, In God’s Hands. Am I successful everyday? Absolutely not. Thank God for his mercy and grace with me.

I’ve always used the same analogy with regards to “trying to take over/control my life”. I always picture me coming over God’s shoulder while He is painting this beautiful picture that is my life. As He is painting, I say “Why are You doing that?” A fair question in my mind at the time of my disobedience and unwillingness to trust Him. “Well wait, stop…no I don’t want that. That doesn’t look good?…that hurts…wait, why are YOU doing this…WHY??”

It’s a pretty good analogy in my mind to remind myself that I don’t see the whole picture that God is painting. I don’t know what the next day or season of my life looks like. Ever. But God does. He not only knows, but He is also doing what is best for His glory and for me. Me, the little girl He calls His Beloved. He wants nothing more than to love me and have a personal and intimate relationship with me. speechless.

but not for long, b/c I need to get to my point.

So our pastor spoke about how God’s design for life here on earth is a puzzle. GREAT! I LOVE puzzles!! (right Ashley & Jessie ;)) He continued to explain that we each are one piece to the puzzle of his master plan. Seemingly so small, but the puzzle is not complete without you in it.

So, I’m lovin’ this sermon. I’m relating to his wonderful analogy. Then I begin to realize that my analogy kind of stinks. Comparatively speaking I guess. But, I realize that not only is it ridiculous for me to stand over the Master and Creator of the universe and ask Him why he paints this or that…It’s ridiculous because I am the paint on the canvas, not at all knowing and understanding enough to STAND over His shoulder and see what He is painting. I’m living it. I’m the paint..or the canvas?..haha I sound crazy. It would be like a puzzle piece jumping up on God’s shoulder to take a look at what the entire puzzle is looking like. Doesn’t make any sense because puzzle pieces can’t do that. Even though I know it won’t work, I try to understand…I try to control…I try to beg Him to reveal everything or something to me-this little puzzle piece of a girl. His plan for me is not to understand the plan but to trust in the plan…in Him. That He does have EVERYTHING under control.

One day, I know we will get to see the whole puzzle complete…the whole picture painted…forget silly analogies that probably don’t make any sense. one day. i get to see my Heavenly Father and spend eternity with Him and His son Jesus…who died for me.

I trust and believe that God has a timing for my life and the world that is so much bigger than me. I like being small. I like seeing a few specks or spots on a puzzle piece and not understanding what part of the puzzle I am exactly. I love the mystery that is the Love of my God. (someone remind me that I said this later on when i’m having a meltdown about my future)

I’ve had this on repeat while writing this post:

Worthy of Affection- Shane & Shane

Deliverer you brought us out of the miry clay
You set our feet upon a rock and you made us say
Holy is the Lord
We would declare your thoughts about us one by one
It’d be too many to count so we simply come
And sing of your great love

So we sing..We lift our hands and sing!

You are worthy of affection
Your the radiance of all of His glory
Let adoration fill this place
You hold everything together
By the word of your immovable power
We sing a song of praise!

We are the broken down and we are the beaten up
But what could stop us from a song of unending love?
Holy is the Lord

You are the treasure, the hope, the Bright and Morning Star
You are the lover of our soul and you’ve won our hearts
We sing of your great love
So we sing
We lift our hands and sing!

You are worthy of affection
Your the radiance of all of His glory
Let adoration fill this place
You hold everything together
By the word of your immovable power
We sing a song of praise!

Worthy are you Lord
Worthy are you Lord
O worthy are you Lord
Of all Praise
All Glory to you Lord
All Glory to you Lord
All Glory to you Lord
Forever More
Forever More

You are worthy of affection
Your the radiance of all of His glory
Let adoration fill this place
You hold everything together
By the word of your immovable power
We sing a song of praise!

Holy are you Lord
Holy are you Lord
Holy are you Lord

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i love you Jesus.

Published in: on July 27, 2010 at 9:58 pm  Leave a Comment  

barren heights

“…Then he went off to a barren height. God met with him…” Numbers 23:3-4

Sometimes God brings you to barren heights to meet with you. I’d imagine back in those days Balaam didn’t want to go somewhere barren by himself. With the danger of wild animals and no one around to help you in case of an attack sounds pretty scary to me.

But beyond that, I find it interesting that God brings Balaam to a barren height. I’ve heard of and experienced meeting with God in a barren valley. I’ve been broken and felt helpless and God has met me there. But I wonder if I can think of a time that God has met me in a barren height. Is that when you are on top of the world but still feel empty without His presence? In this instance in the Bible, Balaam is looking for guidance and has already learned once that he shouldn’t even budge without God’s permission and guidance (Num. 22:21-35). Balaam is also considered blessed by God since Balak says that anyone he blesses is blessed and anyone he curses is cursed. The first time Balak sends the princes Balaam immediately exhibits his trust in the Lord by asking God if he should go with them back to Moab. So this man must be “on top” in his walk with God to be in such a close and trusting relationship with God. So, he meets God in a barren height. He is close to God in a barren place. cool.

Just trying to work this out today God. I am not sure if I am hitting on anything here. I might be completely off in my interpretation but I like being close with You and talking it out with You. I love You. Make me more like You. Thank you Abba, my Daddy for your word and love.

your princess,

crystal

Published in: on July 9, 2010 at 10:00 am  Leave a Comment